Thursday, July 22, 2010

Mixed Feelings

So, we had our first meeting with our new case worker last night and she seems to be really great.  She was very friendly, knew a lot about us (clearly she'd read our home study) and has been with the department pretty much since the adoption department was formed.  It was formed in 1992 and she's been with it since 1993, so she's had a lot of experience with families and making placements.  All that is excellent news.

The bad part is, that Jim and I came away from the meeting pretty discouraged about everything.  With our original case worker we felt that we knew her so well, she really liked us, and we were confident that we would be well represented in 'the system'.  With this new worker, I feel sort of feel like we're going to be just one of the "19 or 20 families that are part of her caseload".  That's not to say that she doesn't have a good idea of what we're like; I truly believe that (thanks to our home study) she does - but she doesn't really 'know us' at all.  She also mentioned to us over and over again how 'narrow' our criteria for being matched is, which essentially means that we're (most likely) in for a long wait.  In our classes, we were told to stick to our guns and not change our criteria.  Jim and I have no intention of changing anything, but it sucks that following instructions means that we're going to potentially be waiting a long time before we're matched. 
Believe me, I know we're doing the right thing.  We can't be impatient and change our minds because we could end up being in a situation that isn't what we REALLY wanted, and this is not the type of situation where 'settling' is a good idea.  :-)
Her advice to us was that we "keep on living, go about your daily business and don't to put your lives on hold.  When it happens, it happens."  Well, it really stinks. 

This might be a strange comparison, but it came to me last night.  This situation reminds me of when I first quit smoking.  Right after I quit, I felt like everything I saw and did somehow related to smoking.  Everywhere I looked people were smoking, everything on TV had to do with smoking, everything people talked about had to do with smoking.  It was impossible to escape!!!  Now I feel the same way about babies/children.  :-)  Everywhere I turn are constant reminders about the fact that we're waiting and I'm constantly reminded about what we don't have.  It's extremely challenging. 

For all our friends reading this, have no fear.  You can still feel free to ask us what's going on the next time you see us and I promise we won't lash out at you.  :-) and we're not going to become hermits or stop spending time with my friends/families and their kids, that's just silly.  However, I do think that going on with our lives and trying not to think about the fact that we're still waiting is going to be a very difficult task, but we'll do our best.  We shall see!!!

In other news, she did say that if I were to get a new job anytime soon it wouldn't slow down the process at all, so that's encouraging.  After all, my job is not making things any easier to deal with.  I would love to find a new, well-paying career (who wouldn't?) but since I have no idea what that is at this moment, I'll just have to "make like a nail, and press-on!" 
(Thank you 'The Great American Trailer Park Musical').

Sorry for such a downer of a post - it happens to the best of us.  :-)

Jim and I are going to the Paw Sox game tonight which will be very fun.  We're going with my entire family, Jim's sister and her family, and a slew of people from my sister's church.
Have no fear, they're fun people, not all 'crazy religious', so we'll have a good time.

Have a good Thursday, and thanks for letting me vent. 

photo by Barrie


wozzel said...

Your attitude is right! You're keeping and sticking to your guns and I like it! Things will work out fine :) I just know it.

Dead Robot said...

Wozzel said it. Your attitude will get you through this. And patience.

Best to wait for the right match instead of "right now", right?

Blobby said...

I have friends who are in the same process of you - and were told specifically if they didn't widen their criteria that they wouldn't even be candidates (this is OH and not MA though).

They are going for someone in the 5-10 yo range (which is great). Not sur ehow it works in MA, but here only one of them can adopt, so the legalities are huge.

...and don't mirrored sunglasses make every picture better?

Bear Me Out said...

Keep trusting. And Put a hat on that beautiful head. And sunscreen, too.

Cubby said...

Hang in there fellas. It took a long while for my nephew and his wife to adopt their kids. First they foster-cared one of the girls. Then they got the girl's five other sisters brought into their foster care. Then the adoption process took forever, but all six sisters were eventually adopted en masse.

Mike said...

Here's hoping it's a short wait. Don't watch that pot and look for it to boil! There -- i've put on (and now taken off) my Ann Landers hat for the day.