Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Confession Time...

Before you get your hopes up, there's nothing juicy about to be revealed in this post.  I just figured that it's been so damn long since I came up with an entry that I'd better have a juicy title to grab your attention and keep you reading.  :-)

It's no secret that I haven't been blogging at all recently.  I haven't even been all that active on Facebook, Twitter, or any of the other things that used to keep me entertained way back when. 
I know that a lot of you have been reading me for a long time and were around in the days when I was blogging much more frequently so I'm sure you've noticed a steady decline in my social media activity.
Yes, it happens to everyone now and then, so I guess it's just my 'turn'?

Truth be told, I've been in a real yucky place lately.  It has nothing to do with Jim, Zachary, or my home life.  Everything is great as far as they're concerned, but unfortunately, they're affected by everything else that's been going on.

As many of you know (and those of you who don't, soon will) my job has been really getting me down for quite a while now.  Well, things haven't improved, and they're even getting worse.  It so difficult for me to put into words, but let it be said that I'm really not happy with my current situation, and while I continue to try to make changes and look for other options, I've been having a pretty tough time.  
I've been going through a whole lot of emotional 'stuff' as a result of my day to day work and at times I feel like I'm completely losing it.  (That's where the 'affecting the family' part comes into play.)  Poor Jim has had to deal with me being an emotional wreck so often lately that I'm beginning to feel guilty about being miserable.
Make sense??

The best way to describe it is that I feel completely trapped in my work situation.  I'm completely overwhelmed by everything I have to deal with at work, and there's no way I can get out of there until I'm able to find something that will pay the bills, provide us with benefits, etc...etc...etc...  It's extremely overwhelming at times (most of the time?) and I tend to get myself very worked up about it.  It's constantly on my mind, and I know that I'm not the same person I was before all this started really getting to me.

Don't worry...this isn't some cry for help and I'm not about to do something crazy....I'm not THAT bad off. However, it's been a really rough road the past few months (years?), and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is sometimes really, REALLY difficult. 
I know that I have plenty of friends and family who are always there for me to lend an encouraging word, and above all else, I know I have Jim and Zachary to greet me at the door each night when I come home.  Truth be told, I've been getting a little teary (OK, a lot teary) each night when I come home because my days have been so much for me to deal with.

I'm planning to have a chat with my manager tomorrow in hopes that he can offer some advice/assistance/help so that I'm not feeling so incredibly overwhelmed and completely stressed about my job.  Hopefully that will make me feel better.

Thank you all for listening/reading....I look forward to getting back on the happy train soon and picking up where the 'old John' left off.....



Jim said...

I hope things get better for you at work. I know there is nothing more miserable than having a difficult job. But remember, your job does not define you.

Sending positive thoughts to you!

Nik_TheGreek said...

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. I truly hope your meeting with your manager will bring something good.

I probably don't know what I'm talking about but have you considered some new qualification that might boost your career?

Julie said...

I am hoping & praying that things improve for you! Stay positive! Get through this and I am convinced better things are ahead for you!

Amy said...

I'm sorry.

Streams of profanity help temporarily.

*hug hug*

Ur-spo said...

I am always pleased to see you posting. Most of us can empathize with this one. Ever think of 'just quitting"? and let Fate take you where you will? Brave but lliberating.
Anyway, we are here for you.

Cubby said...

I'm really sorry to read this, John. I know very well where you are coming from, having been there myself many years ago. It didn't end well for me. My best advice for you is to squeeze your fists, grit your teeth, and take it as best you can. If you haven't made a connection with an executive recruiter yet, do so without delay.

Erik Rubright said...

I hope you find your way. I think most of us have been in a similar spot in our lives. Something I continually remind myself of: "One day you'll be dead and none of this shit will matter...". Pessimistic, I know, but with a glint of optimism.

L.S. said...

Hang in there! I am feeling the same thing right now at my job, and honestly, I think looking for something new is healthy...because what you may realize is, there might be a way for someone at your current place to make it better...and that may be easier than starting over. BUT - if not, Starting Over is AWESOME. And you can handle anything!

Ever thought about teaching? Teach For America (though I believe they've closed out for this year) is a great option for a career change! I've had a few friends who have done it.

Miss you! Come visit in NYC!